How to get rid of shyness and hesitation

How to get rid of shyness and hesitation

There is nobody in the world who does not secretly desire to be admired by those who listen to him or her. When we hear somebody talking confidently, we too wish to have the same level of confidence, grace, and the feeling of being in control. However, it happens so very often that the moment we are asked to speak in front of a crowd or a group of people, we tend to freeze, and even feel like getting into a semi-coma kind of a state (not literally). Why does that happen? Well!! it happens because of the hesitation, shyness, and the sheer fear that grips us, and the more we fight the stronger this feeling gets. 


Hesitation and shyness are like cancer to your personality. Yes, I admit, that I am using a very strong metaphor, but it actually is like cancer, which gradually spreads and takes complete control. However good you may be, however intelligent, knowledgeable, or talented you are, your qualities will remain hidden under the veil of shyness and hesitation. In today's world, if one wishes to become successful, confident, surety about your conduct, and being at ease with yourself are some prerequisites.


So, in order to get rid of hesitation, we need to first understand the genesis and the reason why hesitation sets in, and only then will we be able to take positive actions to get rid of this limiting belief about ourselves.



Being Ridiculed by Others -


The very first reason for hesitation is the feeling that we are constantly judged by the people around us. This one particular reason, which if you think practically is so unfounded, yet accounts majorly for us being hesitant. We are in constant dread of being looked down upon by people. The feeling of us being analyzed constantly on what we do, say, or think, and that people will see how insufficient we are, once they look through our shortcomings is a kind of primordial fear the very first step to getting rid of hesitation would be to address this one particular reason which we will do subsequently.



Lack of Knowledge and Information -


The second reason that makes us hesitant is when we think that we do not have anything worthwhile to add or contribute to the discussion that is happening. We so often feel completely out of place when we are in a company that is discussing something that we know nothing about. We constantly struggle to think of something to say that is relevant and would not make us look ignorant. How to deal with this situation is something we need to look at later.



Insufficient Command Over Language -


This is another reason which so very often stops people from participating in a discussion, debate, or any social interaction. The ability to use the words well is one quality that we, as human beings, look up to the most. If you look into history, we would see people, who have been successful, admired, or even idealized, are those who could connect to their audience through their oratory skills. We may have the ideas, plans, reasons, or explanations that would benefit others, but if we are not sure about our language, we would stop ourselves from expressing them.



The Habit of Putting Ourselves Down –


Self-flagellation is one thing that we all have suffered from some time or the other in our lives, though, some do it all the time, so unfairly, to themselves. We become ultra-critical about everything that we are, or what we do, say, or think, and if not addressed, would become a habit of a lifetime, stopping us from growing and feeling empowered. 



Steps We Can Take To Get Rid of Hesitation and This Compelling Feeling of Shyness:- 


The reason why I said earlier that, the feeling that we are constantly analyzed, is so unfounded, is because in today's world nobody has time to think about anybody else except themselves. Just look at ourselves, do we spend any time thinking about somebody else? Frankly, we don't. We are completely engrossed in planning for the future, contemplating about our past, or engaged in finding solutions to our problems, and so is everybody else. Let's look at the dichotomy, nobody is thinking about anybody else except themselves, and yet, we restrict ourselves from doing, saying, or acting upon our desires, thinking that everybody is thinking about everybody else. Once you understand this, you are rid of this debilitating feeling that has been holding you down, for good.


Just by bringing a regime of reading something every day, not superficially, but a little deeper, on any topic of interest, or for that matter, any topic, would bring you out of this feeling of insufficiency. A routine of reading at least 10 pages every day before you go to sleep, will, over a period of time, make you informed enough to be able to participate and contribute to any discussion that has ensued around you. And once this process sets in, it would become so addictive, that you wouldn't have to force yourself into reading, the benefits that you would start reaping, and the silent admiration of your listeners would be impetus enough for you to continue. 


A strong grip over our language, any day, will be reason enough to give you loads of confidence. We, at times, hesitate because we aren't sure of the correctness of our language. This unsurety saps our confidence and stops us from participating in a discussion, or from voicing our opinion. Just by spending some time over getting clarity on grammatical concepts, rules, or tradition, from either book or from somebody who knows the language well, will go a long way in making you into a confident speaker.


Stop being critical about yourself. Our attitude has become such that whatever qualities, looks, talent, or abilities we are bestowed with, we would still find something lacking. Human beings inherently feel inadequate about themselves. Just by digging a little deeper into the lives of those who look to us as successful, we would find that even they are not free from this highly limiting feeling. The solution lies in the 'Attitude of Gratitude' by wholeheartedly accepting ourselves as we are, by identifying our shortcomings but only those that can be changed, and then, by taking positive actions for bringing a change. Positive self-talk is one very powerful technique that we can use to come out of this limiting belief. (to know more about positive self-talk, read my other blog on how to talk with ourselves)


Though not everybody is born with innate confidence, it is something that can easily be instilled into our personality by first acknowledging the need for a change and then taking positive action towards ushering that change. I would end by quoting somebody who so beautifully said, "To conquer fear, run towards it."

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